Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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