OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
