Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
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