the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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