I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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