butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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