Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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