For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
