Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
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