If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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