i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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