dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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