I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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