Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
being pregnant is like rehab
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
