I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
