He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
