I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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