totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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