So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
