I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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