I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
