You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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