I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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