Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Randomize
