She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Your dad touched me again.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
