I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom