Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
23 Gruesome Scientific Facts That Will Make You Squirm
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Randomize
