what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
