Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
