I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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