i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
