this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
