Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
