All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
So much Jack, so little girl.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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