mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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