I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Randomize
