I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
