my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
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I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
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I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
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