WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Randomize
