Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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