I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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