He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
