just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
