So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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