maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
