If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Just high enough for therapy.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
