I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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