I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
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