just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
So squirting runs in the family.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
