Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
