Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
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