Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I checked into jail on foursquare
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
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