There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
