i just google imaged poop.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
