why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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