I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
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