This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
