in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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