Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
