this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I love you.
Bad choice
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
