I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
This baby is an asshole
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
