Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
