There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
