His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
