I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
