i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
