This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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