dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
