i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
