I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
