dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Randomize
