He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize