Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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