my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
