My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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