You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I have peed in a lot of sinks
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
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