Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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