hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Randomize
