we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
