Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Randomize
