Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
