I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
