So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
