You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
