I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
