I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
