The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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