I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
